I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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