when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Green mimosas i think yes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He better not be in your backpack
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
