aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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