Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
