Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
