Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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