I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying āFUCK YOUā to all my spam emails. Canāt tell you how excited I am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Heās like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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