All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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