Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
