There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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