After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
