i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My bed smells like the plague
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
