so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
