P.S. I can't hear my feet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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