My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
