I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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