somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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