You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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