you traded sex for a burrito?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
