I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
