well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
