Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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