i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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