You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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