we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
