you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
