i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
