Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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