Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
