My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the condom got lost in my hair
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
