Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
