Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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