Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
