I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
