You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
