I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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