We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
third nipple confirmed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
