Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
