She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
