i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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