you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
