i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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