We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
