It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
