he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
