you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
