College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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