I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you had me at cake vodka
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
