Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
