Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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