Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
