Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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