do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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