the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
