bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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