How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My first STD was from a foam party
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
