So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
