Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
