i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
